Pre Valentines Day Blues

It started off pretty crappy because the moment I woke up I was told that I couldn't get the same camera that I had because it was discontinued. I'll have to settle for the update that has half of the zoom abilities. Its the day before valentines day and all my friends are bussy. I put together a nice outfit only to find out I had nowhere to go and no one was even going to see it. It seems like my friends are almost always to bussy to hang out anymore. Jensen's really the only person I've been spending time with lately. When I'm sad or depressed I never tell anyone except maybe my parents, I don't tell my friends, I'll try to hide it. I'm not the kind of person to post status updates on facebook or tweet about it. I don't think I've ever told my friends that I'm sad or depressed. I think its mainly because I'm really afraid of seeming annoying, thats why I'm so shy too. My friends tell me when they're sad or depressed or upset though sometimes they don't tell me in the nicest of ways. I always try the best I can to help but sometimes I can't. Sometimes I feel like people think I'm happy all the time, this is not the case. I try very hard to be as optimistic as I can which usually feels like it makes life easier but sometimes it has its bad effects too. Like when something bad happens I'll just push it to the back of my mind and not think about it but its still there and eventually they all pile up and then when it gets to be to many they all come out at once. I'll cry on and off for days about a combination of things that happened yesterday and months ago. It's probably not healthy now that I think about it.
One thing thats bothering me right now (and half of the world too I know) is that tomorrows valentines day and I'm single. Usually I'm ok with being single its just the last couple months I've just hated it. I feel like there isn't anyone in this town for me. Its like all the guys I watch people date come in two varietys, 1. they are extremely clingy and controlling and 2. they cheat. I know there are probably guys that aren't like that here but I haven't met them.
I liked someone but I think its over and it just didn't work out. It never went anywhere and then it just died. Sometimes I hate myself because I think I still like this person.
Going to online school is ok sometimes but it gets really lonely. I started taking school online because I had a really horrible experience in 8th grade, there were alot of rumors about me and I felt like they would just carry over to high school so I decided to take a break. I'm in 10th grade now and I'm going back to public school next year because I want to experiance things like a prom and graduation. I can't wait.
This has just become a long depressing rant, I'll talk about something else now.
I went to my Grannys today with my parents and we went to the store with her.

I looked at haircolor while I was there I think its time for the blonde to go, I've been dyeing my hair blonde for a little over a year now and while I love it, it takes to much work. Also I get it done at a salon because my mom doesn't want me to do it myself, she's afraid it will turn out really yellow. It costs alot where I get it done so I can't get it done very often and my roots get really long. Pluss I don't really enjoy the process of getting my hair bleached, Its itchy and the smell makes me feel like I've got a cold. I think I'm going to go with a redbrown color or like a dark red.

I was looking at this color, I like it. I probably won't buy a dye myself though. I'll probably get it done at the salon the first time and then touch it up with a box dye.

I'm a little afraid of the change, leaving the blonde but I can always go back I guess. My natural hair color is a very dark brown so my roots are always really obvious vs. the light blonde. My eyebrows also always bother me because there so dark.

Then we went back to my Grannys and I took some pictures with my phone while I was there. I like taking pictures of her house, its always seemed so interesting to me. She has such interesting things, like in her living room there is a huge cabinet holding her salt and peper shaker collection. She stopped collecting them when I was little but there are so many you can always find something you didn't pay attention to before.

Then my parents and I went out to eat for valentines day, we went to Outback Stake house. I'm not a vegitarian, I've always wanted to be one though. I got pasta. I like there blooming onions and the bread they give out. We were there for a long time because it was packed, all the restraunts in our town were.

Then we went to Toys R Us to get a valentines gift for my 3 year old nephew Alec, he said he wanted the "Thomas train that fixes Thomas" he just kept saying that. But when we got to the train section we discovered that there were alot of diffrent Thomas the Train trains. There was a man in the section with his child who looked like he was Alec's age so my mom asked him if he knew who the train who fixed Thomas was and he said he did and that he had seen that movie so many times but couldn't remember the name, his little boy said "I don't know." Then we called my brother and found out his other grandma had already bought him that train so we got him a little train peice that makes music.

Then we went to the store and I was walking down an isle and there was a fortune cookie just laying on the ground, it was still in the plasic un opened though the cookie was smashed. I took the fortune out and left the smashed cookie behind, the fortune said "Your Dearest Dream is Coming True" I hope its right. I hope that fortune counts towards me and not the person who left it on the ground and didn't even bother to open it. I hope it was fate. I bought a candle that was in a jar with little fake sprinkles on the top that smelled like strawberry cupcakes.

And then I came home and started righting this. This is insanely long I know.

I'm going out of town to this really big mall with my parents tomorrow. I hope I can have a fun time and shake this horrible feeling I've had today. And I really hope that fortune comes true.

Good night.